5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting Married
Today is my 2 year wedding anniversary!! My husband Joseph and I have known each other for 15 years, been together for 4 and married for 2. If 15 years ago you told me that I would be where I am today I would have laughed and called you crazy! I never thought I would be married to the guy who had the biggest crush on me, who would leave me gifts in my locker and who always had my back no matter how many times I turned him down and told him I wasn’t interested 😉 We’ve only been married for 2 years but the things that God has allowed us to go through, the growth we’ve experienced and the wisdom we’ve gained, it truly feels like much longer. Our families say, “wow! Two years already?” And we say, “dang! That’s it?!” LOL. From the moment we got together it just seems like we’ve been moving at a fast pace, but it works for us. That has always been God’s way of dealing with me. All the major transitions/changes in my life have happened fast – it’s always been quick, no time to think or contemplate and it’s on His time. While I’m telling the Lord to “Wait. Hold up.”, He’s saying, “Let’s go. Now.” I just don’t even fight it anymore lol, now we’ve embraced it as God’s way of dealing with US 🙂
I want to share with you some things I wish I knew before getting married. Not that any of these things would have changed my decision, but me being the planner that I am, it would have prepared me lol.
1. Certain things are just not that big of a deal – Where the cereal goes in the cabinet, how the remote controls are sitting on the table, where the shoes go in the closet, how many dishes are left in the sink, while all these things are important to you they are just not that big of a deal if they aren’t done YOUR way. You and your spouse grew up differently and have a different way of doing things, if you do certain things like laundry, dishes, cleaning the house differently it doesn’t mean it’s wrong or a bad thing. Different doesn’t equal wrong and it certainly doesn’t mean your spouse doesn’t care about your feelings. Don’t take everything personally, some things just aren’t that big of a deal.
2. Marriage is less about marrying the right person and more about becoming the right person – Marriage has a way of showing you who you are – the good, the bad and the ugly. Before marriage we get so caught up in trying to marry the “right” person that we neglect ourselves. While your mate may be the right one for you, are you the right one for him? We learned in premarital counseling that marriage is a ministry, you are ministering to each other, but what I didn’t realize is that being ministered unto by your spouse results in some growth and changes in yourself. As God shows you more of yourself you desire (or should desire) to be a better person for your spouse.
3. Marriage forces you to face/deal with things you thought you would never have to deal with, things you pushed under the rug many years ago – As I said marriage brings out the ugly. That thing you brushed under the rug when you were younger and never thought you would have to deal with ever again is going to come out in your marriage. Childhood issues of all kind that were not dealt with will surely come out in your marriage whether you want it to or not. Be sure to deal with these things in premarital counseling before you get married. Don’t allow your past to ruin what God has ordained.
4. Making time for date nights is not easy but it is necessary – I’ve heard this many times before marriage but never understood how important it is to continue to date in marriage. Up until marriage you’re at your best, you make as much time as you can for dating but once you say “I do” it doesn’t seem as important anymore and you get comfortable and it becomes easy to stray away from the reasons you got together in the first place. It takes time and effort to set aside time to date and to even be creative with your dates. It’s important to keep that passion and love alive and when it becomes a regular thing (like once a month) it can be fun and something you look forward to as an escape from your day to day.
5. God needs to make some changes in you before He can make changes in your spouse – I read this book entitled “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian and that book knocked me off my feet. As women we have a laundry list of things we take to God for Him to change about our husbands not knowing they can be the very things God seeks to work on in us. The changes you make can result in changes in your spouse.
I could go on an on about things I wish I knew because it seems like I’m learning something new everyday, but no one could have told me or even prepared me for the love I receive from my husband each day, the patience and understanding he shows even when I’m being difficult, and the encouragement and support he gives when I share my dreams with him. I never expected to be pushed beyond my comfort zone and doing things I only dreamed about as a child. Marriage is a blessing and I intend to continue to allow God to use us for His glory.
Take a look at some of our pictures from our engagement photos and wedding photos with Michael Overton of Medialifted Weddings and more recent “Just for Love” photos with Charles Beason of Charlesbeason.net
I heard a saying a while back that God blesses you with your mate in order to save you. I’m so thankful that God saw fit to place Joe in my life to save me from my sin-filled self LOL. Look at God! Happy Anniversary Joe Monroe, here’s to many more! I love you to the moon and back two times (for our two years – lol)!
Until next time…